Hunter: I’m outta here. Peace, yo.
Agrael: The elves are deserting! Blast it! What I need are demons, preferably ones who aren’t cowardly little girls.
Demon: Lord Agrael, there is a demon Inferno nearby. Let’s capture it. Agrael: Or… I could hire a lackey that the elves don’t hate in order to hold my troops.
Grawl: Why do you drag me into these things, Agrael? Agrael: I’ll also need a ship, preferably one that won’t burn to a crisp when demons board. Luckily, the Sylvan town to the north has a shipyard. Demon: The path is blocked by a garrison. They have a million troops. We have no chance. Agrael: Hmm. I feel as if the map designers are purposely herding me toward an alternate route.
Spectral Dragon: This must be our lucky day. Agrael: I assume I need to get rid of you somehow so I can take the secret passage you’re blocking and bypass the garrison. Spectral Dragon: You assume correct. Bring us 100 archers of the elven sort. Make sure they are young and supple. Agrael: Sounds like a fair trade. Hunter: What’s this you say? A delicious cake? In those dark caves? Of course we’ll go! Spectral Dragon: The thighs are especially tender. Nom nom nom. Agrael: Now I feel dirty. Agrael: Oh, who am I kidding? I miss those elves already. Let’s try this again. *loads previously saved game*Earlier…
Spectral Dragon: You assume correct. Bring us 100 archers of the elven sort. Make sure they are young and supple. Agrael: F*CK YOU DRAGONS!
Archdevils: Burn! Burn! Burn! Agrael: The fight was easy and I have gained much experience. I wonder why more people don’t take this option. Hunter: Because people don’t realize you can fight the dragons? Agrael: Well, now they know. Let’s keep moving. Oh wait, we can’t. Hunter: You failed the side-quest. We must go through the garrison. I guess you should have sacrificed us after all. Hur hur hur. Agrael: Alas, I have since overwritten my last save. We should wait a few months to recruit fresh troops.Several months later…
Grawl: I’ve assembled a massive Sylvan army for you, Agrael. Now I take my leave. Next time we meet, we shall be enemies. Agrael: Unless I hire you again. Agrael: Attention, captured elves. I have attacked and destroyed your city for one reason and one reason alone! I want a ship.
Shipmaker: YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD US!!! Agrael: Look, I think we started off on the wrong foot but I desperately need to go visit Tieru. You see, Gilraen attacked me before I could explain, and then- Shipmaker: Gilraen is a pothead and a hippie. Of course he misunderstood! Agrael: I killed all your friends purely because of a misunderstanding. You have to believe me! My intentions were pure. Shipmaker: Just take the ship and go. Never show your face in Irollan again. Agrael: Deal.
