The Cultist – Chapter 4: The Ship

 Hunter: I’m outta here. Peace, yo.

 Agrael: The elves are deserting! Blast it! What I need are demons, preferably ones who aren’t cowardly little girls.

 Demon: Lord Agrael, there is a demon Inferno nearby. Let’s capture it.

 Agrael: Or… I could hire a lackey that the elves don’t hate in order to hold my troops.

 Grawl: Why do you drag me into these things, Agrael?

 Agrael: I’ll also need a ship, preferably one that won’t burn to a crisp when demons board. Luckily, the Sylvan town to the north has a shipyard.

 Demon: The path is blocked by a garrison. They have a million troops. We have no chance.

 Agrael: Hmm. I feel as if the map designers are purposely herding me toward an alternate route.

 Spectral Dragon: This must be our lucky day.

 Agrael: I assume I need to get rid of you somehow so I can take the secret passage you’re blocking and bypass the garrison.

 Spectral Dragon: You assume correct. Bring us 100 archers of the elven sort. Make sure they are young and supple.

 Agrael: Sounds like a fair trade.

 Hunter: What’s this you say? A delicious cake? In those dark caves? Of course we’ll go!

 Spectral Dragon: The thighs are especially tender. Nom nom nom.

 Agrael: Now I feel dirty.

 Agrael: Oh, who am I kidding? I miss those elves already. Let’s try this again. *loads previously saved game*


 Spectral Dragon: You assume correct. Bring us 100 archers of the elven sort. Make sure they are young and supple.


 Archdevils: Burn! Burn! Burn!

 Agrael: The fight was easy and I have gained much experience. I wonder why more people don’t take this option.

 Hunter: Because people don’t realize you can fight the dragons?

 Agrael: Well, now they know. Let’s keep moving. Oh wait, we can’t.

 Hunter: You failed the side-quest. We must go through the garrison. I guess you should have sacrificed us after all. Hur hur hur.

 Agrael: Alas, I have since overwritten my last save. We should wait a few months to recruit fresh troops.

Several months later…

 Grawl: I’ve assembled a massive Sylvan army for you, Agrael. Now I take my leave. Next time we meet, we shall be enemies.

 Agrael: Unless I hire you again.

 Agrael: Attention, captured elves. I have attacked and destroyed your city for one reason and one reason alone! I want a ship.


 Agrael: Look, I think we started off on the wrong foot but I desperately need to go visit Tieru. You see, Gilraen attacked me before I could explain, and then-

 Shipmaker: Gilraen is a pothead and a hippie. Of course he misunderstood!

 Agrael: I killed all your friends purely because of a misunderstanding. You have to believe me! My intentions were pure.

 Shipmaker: Just take the ship and go. Never show your face in Irollan again.

 Agrael: Deal.