The Mage – Chapter 4: The Alliance

Zehir: Tell me, how do you really feel about Queen Isabel?

Godric: She’s alright… I guess.

Findan: The harmony.

Godric: Oh, who am I kidding? She’s terrible. She brought ruin to the Griffin Empire. She is slow-witted and delusional. She damned our king’s soul to eternal suffering. If I didn’t swear that oath to Nicolai, I’d kill her myself.

Findan: The harmony.

Zehir: Why do you keep saying ‘the harmony,’ Findan?

Findan: I swore I would hunt Isabel down after she turned Irollan into a charred wasteland. The harmony keeps my anger in check.

Zehir: So neither of you like Isabel. Why are we saving her again?

Findan: Demon messiah sub-plot.

Zehir: Oh, right.

Findan: But if Tieru’s rite doesn’t work and the demon taint remains. We may have to kill her. *sharpens knives*

Zehir: The harmony, Findan.

Godric: Onward to Talonguard! *casts random spell*

Zehir: Agreed. *casts random spell*

Findan: *casts random spell*

Zehir: *casts random spell*

Godric: *casts random spell*

Findan: *casts random spell*

Godric: *casts random spell*

Zehir: *casts random spell*

Findan: *casts random spell*

Squire: Seriously. What the fuck, guys?

After several weeks of traveling…

Zehir: This path is awfully serpentine. Why is there not a straight path from Talonguard? Think of the poor merchants who must carry their caravans along this treacherous road.

Godric: No wonder the Griffin Empire’s economy is in the tank.

Shadow Matriarch: I love picnics.

Godric: The dark elves are here! They helped Markal and Isabel defeat a demon army earlier. Of course, there’s no way I could know that since I was in prison at the time.

Findan: Dark elves? Tuidana’s dark ones! Kill them all!

Zehir: Wait! We should try to talk to our enemies instead of saber-rattling. (Well, except necromancers and demons.)

Findan: But they are horrible! They turned from Sylanna! They must be destroyed!

Zehir: The harmony, Findan.

Findan: Sigh.

Raelag: Hello, I am Raelag.

Findan: I don’t like you.

Raelag: So you are planning to perform the rite on Isabel after being instructed by Tieru? Then I will join you!

Findan: I still don’t like you.

Zehir: The harmony, Findan.

Shadya: Clanlord, Talonguard awaits. Let us go and end this. Not that I’m plotting anything. He he.

Raelag: The three-some just became a four-some. Five if you count Shadya.

Shadya: Kinky, just the way I like it.

Isabel: I think the crazy has been knocked out of me. Hey, there’s a giant army here to see me.

Raelag: Oh Isabel. I LOVE YOU!

Godric: *barfs*

Zehir: *barfs*

Findan: *barfs*

Shadya: Ooh. Six!

Isabel: It w-was you! You are the beast Agrael who murdered my beloved Nicolai! You monster!

Raelag: No! No! I was trying to run away, you see. And then, when Nicolai showed up, I just had this urge to zap him with lightning. But it was actually Elrath calling him away. And then Godric showed up…

Godric: Don’t you dare blame me for this, boy.

Raelag: The point I’m trying to make is: I LOOOOOOOVE you, Isabel.

Isabel: Oh, Nicolai. Is my heart ready to love another?

Findan: I’m pretty sure Nicolai hates your guts right now. Well, what’s left of him.

Isabel: I just don’t care anymore about myself or my citizens’ well-being. Just perform the rite on me and let me die!

Findan: Now we’re talking. Do it, Zehir.

Inside Talonguard…

Zehir: Okay, Isabel. Lay down on this bed in the middle of this big chamber. We will walk to you slowly and dramatically from the sides of the room.

Findan: Is this necessary?

Godric: Let the wizard work his magic.

Zehir: Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!

Zehir: Put ‘em together and what have you got? Bippity-boppity-boo!

Shadya: Cockblock!

Godric: The hell?

Zehir: Oof! The rite has been interrupted.

Kha-Beleth: You fool. All of this was part of my plan all along! Mwa ha ha ha!

Zehir: You planned for us to crush your demon armies horribly and then come within a hair’s width from erasing all of your work?

Shadya: Silence, we demons have calculated six steps in advance of every step you have taken. You have all be tricked, by me…

Biara: …Biara!

Raelag: I knew there was something fishy about her. Way to conduct background checks, Sorgal.

Biara: I’ll just take Isabel’s body here… and…

Raelag: Noooooooo!!!

Godric: Don’t just stand there shouting. Grab her!

Biara: *teleports*

Raelag: Isabeeeeelllllllll!!! If we run really fast, we can catch them!

Zehir: They teleported to Sheogh and are hundreds of miles away. Use your head.

Findan: The Heart of the Griffin amulet is here on the ground. What a convenient plot device.

Raelag: It is used to banish demons back to Sheogh. If we reverse engineer it, perhaps we can use it to transport ourselves there. Can you do it, Zehir?

Zehir: Just because I know a little magic… doesn’t mean I can just do whatever I want with the physics of Ashan.

Godric: Trust me. It’s the second to last chapter. It will work.

Zehir: *tinker tinker*

Findan: Perhaps we should think this through. We are just four people without horses, and our armies are outside. This isn’t Heroes IV. If we transport to Sheogh, we’ll be sitting ducks and-

Zehir: Woo-hoo! I fixed it! *SWOOOOOOOSH*

In Sheogh…

Findan: Damn it!