The Ranger – Chapter 1: The Refugees

 Markal: It’s hocus pocus time, my queen. Are you as turned on by death as I am?

 Isabel: Just get on with it.

 Markal: Arvadek Adava! *casts random spell*

 Isabel: Nicolai? Can you hear me?

 Nicolai: I was enjoying the eternal pleasures of heaven when suddenly I was pulled back into this nasty, brutish world. Isabel, you’ve damned my soul forever!

 Isabel: Did you miss me? Tell me you missed me!

 Nicolai: You’re not even listening to what I am saying. I am so angry right now I feel like… I could… INVADE AN ENTIRE ELVEN KINGDOM!

 Isabel: When I begged a evil necromancer to raise my husband from the dead, I expected flowers and unicorns. Not this. This is too much. My feeble mind can’t hold all this logic. Ahhh! I think I should just go completely crazy now.

 Markal: Have fun in your padded cell. I think I’ll be king from now on.

A short time later…

 Lord Caldwell: Hi, we’re refugees from the Griffin Empire. Can we have some of your land?

 Alaron: You sure can!

 Lord Caldwell: Good. Now I’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from me again (until the expansion).

 Findan: Oh don’t mind me. I’m just the hero of this campaign. I also recite poetry.

 Alaron: Hey Findan, your mission is to run around the border between Irollan and the Griffin Empire provoking hostilities. But absolutely do not cross the borders. I’ll be damned if history records us as the aggressors.

 Alaron: Also, if a garrison is taken, you must immediately reclaim it and load it with troops, leaving your main town undefended. Only then will our lands be safe.

 Alaron: Well, I’m off.

 Findan: Maintaining the borders is a cakewalk. Except for that time I fell asleep and Agrael’s army stormed through, carving a path of flame and destruction.

 Findan: *sigh* This mission is kind of boring. My eyelids are getting heavy…

 Biara: Ooh. I feel like attacking Irollan today for some reason.

 Findan: Demons on Irollan lands once more!? That’s it, I’m never sleeping again.

 Biara: Oh, quit sulking. I have no intentions of winning today.

 Sprite Messenger: Hi Findan, do you like my cute voice? It makes terrible news sound like good news! Tee-hee!

 Findan: You say the undead forces are invading Irollan from a completely different part of the border that I should have been guarding? Tell the king I am on my way. To Syris Thalla!