Ylaya’s Quest – Chapter 5: The Decoupling

 Ylaya: Ignore the orange demon garrisons, Isabel. We have to keep going south to free Horncrest!

 Isabel: Seeing as I have barely any troops, and you have a legion. I think I’ll let you do the fighting.

 Lorenzo: ‘ello there! Looks like we meet one last time, yes we are. Right-o. Prepare arms. That it is. Off we go.

 Ylaya: Get a taste of black dragon flame!

 Dragons: *nom nom nom* You feed us well, Ylaya. We are pleased.

 Duncan: You saved us! But we are at war. Why?

 Ylaya: Well, haven’t you figured out that there’s one faction we all hate? The demons. Now let me walk toward you seductively with my stripper heels.

 Duncan: No, I meant why are you so gorgeous? I think I’m in looooooove!

 Ylaya: You must be tired from battle. In Ygg-Chall, we are skilled in certain arts. Let me show you.

 Wulfstan: Hey Duncan. What about Freyda?

 Duncan: Frey- Who?

 Real Isabel: Hey guys! I feel I should announce my presence.

 Wulfstan: To arms, lads! It’s the horrible demoness bitch who started this entire mess!

 Real Isabel: Whoa, wait, no! I’m the real Isabel. The one on the throne is a demon imposter!

 Wulfstan: The real Isabel? She’s also a horrible demoness bitch who started this entire mess.

 Ylaya: Don’t fight. I’ve been traveling with this one. She may be a magnet for disaster, but she means well.

 Freyda: The difference between them is as night and day. Her skin is fair, not gray. Her eyes are clear, not demonic. She also doesn’t have Biara’s voice.

 Duncan: Whoa, where’d you suddenly come from?

 Wulfstan: We thought you were a goner, lass.

 Freyda: I could tell. Duncan was already getting his mack on with the dark elf bimbo. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special.

 Duncan: But… but… but…

 Freyda: From now on, I wear the pants in the relationship. Capiche? *cracks whip*

 Ylaya: Awkward…

 Real Isabel: Everyone listen to me!

 Squire: Listen up, boys. The attention whore is speaking.

 Real Isabel: Ahem, yes. Thank you, squires. Friends and countrymen, we must unite to bring down the demon queen and end her reign of terror! Naturally, I’m going to enlist you to do my dirty work.

 Ylaya: I suppose I’ll head back down into the caves and take over the demon infernos.

 Ylaya: How ironic that despite our hatred for all things demonic, our largest army in this chapter will come from these infernos.

 Andreas: Do not forget us. I am vaiting here, in ze other castle to ze east! But ven you come to attack, I vill have a surprise. Mo ho ho!

 Millions of Brutes: A big surprise, har har.

 Wulfstan: Or we could just ignore you and head to Tor Hrall to capture it again.

 Duncan: Chaaaarge the garrison! Oh wait, I’m out of troops.

 Freyda: Stay back Mrs. Duncan. I will save you!

 Alaric: It’s time we make our escape! Have a nice life, dwarves.

 Freyda: Why are they retreating? They have the advantage! If they destroyed us here, they would have zero resistance and take over the world!

 Duncan: Looks like all that’s left is King Tolghar and Tor Hrall.

 Wulfstan: Time for some regicide.

 Freyda: Wait, let’s think about this logically for a moment here. The red army started a war with the dwarves, and then made them fight the dark elves. Meanwhile, they’ve been sitting back and gaining strength. They’re pitting us all against each other. Maybe we should reconsi-

 Wulfstan: Chaaaarge!

 Tolghar: Hmph… who are you people? Why are you killing me?

 Wulfstan: Raise yer mugs of ale, lads! We won!

 Freyda: Yes, but at what cost. We’ve only regained the lands we lost. The dark elves are splintered, the dwarves are kingless, we are all traitors, and the Griffin Empire is in ruins.

 Ylaya: True dat.

 Real Isabel: Hey guys. I finally caught up with you guys. How did the fighting go? Did we win?

 Wulfstan: Eh, it was good until Debbie Downer over there started being logical.

 Real Isabel: Looks like we’ll have to wait until the next expansion to get even with Biara.

 Freyda: If only we had a preview of the next expansion, a hint for people to discuss endlessly on message boards.

 Real Isabel: Come, let us kneel in the snow in a circle and pray for no reason.

Meanwhile, in some sandy place…

 Spirit of Tieru: Use the force, Luke!

 Raelag: Oh Tieru, you funny man. Where are you sending me this time?

 Spirit of Tieru: Go east, to the Free Cities.

 Raelag: The next expansion is about the orcs? But how will I factor into the story? Will I make an appearance in their campaign? Will I be leading the charge? Or is this the end for poor ol’ Raelag?

 Spirit of Tieru: Good luck, Raelag.

And then, we turn to another undisclosed location…

 Alaric: Oh St. Isabel, I have done everything you have asked. I look forward to the world of love and peace you plan to usher in!

 Fake Isabel: Oh right. About that…

 Fake Isabel: Please bring Prince Andrei to me. I’m going to kill the child… er… I mean shower him with kisses. Also, bring me a knife.

 Alaric: Bring you a defenseless child and a sharp instrument? This is not suspicious at all!

 Biara: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 Alaric: I totally did not notice that you turned into a demon for a moment there. Because I’m blinded by devotion!

 Fake Isabel: Roll credits.