The Warlock – Chapter 1: The Clanlord

 Raelag: My name is Raelag. Like the others, I wish to fight for the title of Clanlord.

 Keeper of the Law: That lizard you’re riding on. Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?

 Raelag: You must have me confused with some other former demon cultist.

 Keeper of the Law: Before we start, I must ask if you know the rules.

 Raelag: Uh… no. I always plunge into situations without thinking. Obviously.

 Keeper of the Law: You’ll have three months to raise an army. At the end of that time, I’ll magically transport everyone into a cave and you’ll duke it out like animals until someone wins.

 Raelag: Sort of a barbaric battle royale, of sorts.

 Keeper of the Law: The winner becomes the leader of the Shadowbrand. The losers go to the tavern to drown their sorrows and wait to be hired.

 Raelag: So leadership is solely based on my ability to kill as many of our own people in the shortest amount of time? Sweet.

 Keeper of the Law: I’ll see you in three months. *casts random spell*

 Raelag: *casts random spell*

 Yrbeth: My name is Yrbeth, and I will be challenging you for the title of Clanlord. See you in three months, loser.

 Vayshan: Hello babies! I will penetrate you with my weapon! All of you are going down, hard!

 Sorgal: Raelag, here’s a tip from the pro. Sit back and let these other guys duke it out. Then, swoop in for the kill.

 Kythra: Has anyone seen my bra? Ah, forget it. I’ll just use this belt.

 Eruina: As Clanlord, you shall all enjoy daily whippings and be crushed underneath my stiletto heels. Ho ho ho! Shut up, slave!

 Michael: My shadow dragons will make mince meat of you all, so beat it! A-hee hee!

 Raelag: Looks like the competition will be tough. Also, it’s taking forever for the AI to complete their turns. I want the tournament to start already.

Three months later…

 Keeper of the Law: Round one, fight! *teleports*

 Raelag: I like Sorgal’s plan. I’ll sit back and let these other guys destroy each other.

 Sorgal: Well, Raelag. Looks like it’s just you and me. Mano-a-mano. A fight to the finish.

 Raelag: Look, man. The level is rigged so I end up with more troops. You have no chance.

 Sorgal: You win, man. Uh… can you give me a job? Can I be your secretary or something?

 Keeper of the Law: Congratulations to Raelag, our new Clanlord! Unfortunately, you’ve just wiped out 85% of our people in the tournament. So now, we’re the tiniest and weakest clan in all of Ygg-Chall. Better get to work.