Greetings brave explorer of the 22nd century!

Our sources indicate that in the 21st century, there existed a piece of electronic entertainment called Heroes of Might and Magic V. After extensive research, we've determined that the game was truly the pinnacle of human civilization.

The game contained a unparalleled level of bad fantasy writing the likes of which have not been seen since the Omicron Persei II incident of 2189 CE. Heroes V's storyline has proven to be so mind-numbingly idiotic that our historians surmise the developers must have been relegated to slave duty in the film franchise tie-in department of Nival Interactive. One historian unfortunately fell into an epileptic fit during a cut-scene. May Zardoz bless his soul. Nevertheless, we wager the value of the game's storyline rested comfortably between Uwe Boll flick and dog feces.

Yes this historical discovery interests us greatly! As you are well aware, brave explorer, the genre that currently dominates game charts here in the 22nd century is none other than 'bullshit fantasy.' While we previously assumed this genre spawned from the MMORPG epidemic of the early aughts, our historians have posited that perhaps Heroes V was the true progenitor. Certainly this will require more analysis as it is a foreign concept to us that people in the 21st century may have actually preferred playing good games over bad games.

Our literary professors have already begun a thorough comparison of the storyline against other media products of the 21st century. For example, by what measure could The Two Towers have been improved if Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli decided not to run to Rohan, but instead stood perfect still and made jokes about orcs while shouting 'Griffin Eternal?' Our professors indicate at least a 140% increase in awesomeness. Clearly, The Two Towers should have been written by Nival Interactive.

We implore you, brave explorer, to read on and explore this game and its storyline. We have documented the storyline for your reading pleasure using the combined technology of thumbnails and Blogger. Marvel at the game's amazing pacing, one-dimensional characters, and stupid plot twists. So sit back, put your brain on pause, and enjoy the stupid clusterfuck that is Heroes V.


Wilbur Humphrey XXVIII


Exhibit A: The greatest game of the 21st century?