The Queen – Chapter 4: The Trap

 Priest: Lady Isabel. The demon lord Agrael is skilled in magic (just like every other hero in the game). It is imperative that you learn some of Elrath’s secrets as well.

 Isabel: I hate studying. Is there no shortcut?

 Priest: There is a town north of here called Brightwood. Its magic guild was defaced by demons. But if you can rebuild it, the power will be yours.

 Isabel: Great!

 Sir Tomas: You’ll still have to study though.

 Isabel: Shit.

 Beatrice: How go the magical studies, milady?

 Isabel: Not bad, actually. I admit I was apprehensive at first. But I realize these spells are no different from the random motions I make whenever I get on my horse and shout ‘Griffin eternal!’

 Isabel: Speaking of which. Griffin eternal! *casts random spell*

 Beatrice: Well, don’t forget that the army Alaron sent lies still to the west. Don’t keep them waiting.

 Isabel: Oh no. The bridge is broken.

 Beatrice: Milady, there is a seer. He is a blind man who will tell you what to do next.

 Isabel: You want me to follow a blind man? They speak in riddles and lead people on wild goose chases!

 Beatrice: Well, it’s either that or the chapter never ends.

 Isabel: Okay, fine. Let’s go.

 Seer: Lady Isabel, I foresee all respect for you shall be lost by the Heroes fan community. Furthermore, you will eventually find a pair of winged boots which will allow you to cross the body of water. Also, they will make a prequel on the Nintendo DS.

 Isabel: Only one pair? What about my army? How will they cross?

 Seer: …and I foresee you leaving my hut in peace!

 Sir Tomas: I found the shoes, milady. They were in a crypt and carry the scent of old cheese. Enjoy.

 Isabel: I have to wear shoes belonging to the dead? It’s all for the greater good, I suppose. Griffin eternal! *casts random spell*

 Isabel: Since we only have one pair of shoes, I have devised an ingenious method of transporting my army across the water. I will fly across the river with the shoes on my feet. Then, I will have a griffin carry them back. We will repeat this until all 400 of my units have made it across.

 Sir Tomas: Couldn’t you just have the griffins carry the humans across on their backs and with their powerful claws?

5 days of Professor Layton-esque puzzles later…

 Isabel: At last. We’ve all made it across. Now let’s make camp!

 Beatrice: Something wicked this way comes.

 Isabel: Hello, Findan? I am the WARRIOR QUEEN Isab-

 Agrael: I fear Findan will be late, Isabel.


 Admiral Ackbar: IT’S A TRAP!

 Beatrice: Oh Isabel… you foolish fool. All this time, I was actually a succubus named…

 Biara: …Biara!

 Biara: The real Beatrice was turned into fertilizer, months ago when you first arrived at the summer palace. She was so trusting. All I had to do was convince her to climb into the meat grinder. I told her there was candy inside. I can be very persuasive.

 Sir Tomas: I’m not dead… just badly burnt.

 Biara: Oh, I’ll have fun with this one.

 Agrael: Now leave us. I need some alone time with Isabel so I can creepily describe the ways I stalked her when she was a little girl.

 Isabel: You sick pedo!

 Agrael: I am only following orders from the Demon Sovereign. I have feelings too.

 Isabel: You wicked murderer! Away!

 Agrael: Psst. Hey, do you trust me? What if I could make the two of us disappear?

 Isabel: Heavens, no! You just slew my loyal subjects and now wish to abscond with me!? I swear, if I ever find out who you really are underneath that silly mask, the last thing I will do is disappear with you and neglect my duty as queen of this empire!

 Agrael: Ahem. Actually…

 Isabel: The answer is no.

 Agrael: Dear diary. Isabel rejected me. My black heart feels pain like the raven feels the air beneath its wings. My soul is an empty chasm, yearning to be filled with the light of your love. Talk to you tomorrow. XOXO Love Agrael.

 Agrael: Take her away!