Arantir: It’s time to go capture Flammschrein, kill Orlando, and get rid of these demons once and for all. Asha uses all!
Ornella: Ooh! Reinforcements come every week. I like this.
Arantir: Asha uses all. Who are you guys?
Succubi: Ha ha ha! You can’t defeat us! There are flames everywhere! I dare you to take another step!
Arantir: Oh yeah? Watch this!
Arantir: Ahhhh! Game over.
Arantir: Darn. Now I have to load my game and replay the last 15 turns. Asha uses all…
Ornella: Let’s just stick with the main quest and go to Flammschrein. Wait a minute, there’s electricity everywhere.
Lord Fulbert: Yo. A bunch of assassins killed me in my sleep. Avenge me.
Arantir: You can count on me. Asha uses all.
Lord Fulbert: By the way, you can remove this magical barrier by putting one of your lame apprentices on each of the ritual sites next to the towns.
Arantir: Let’s see… we’ll put Kaspar here… and Raven here… and Zoltan here. That leaves one more…
Ornella: Please use my body for the last sacrifice. Be gentle. I’m fragile.
Arantir: Asha uses all.
Lord Fulbert: Congratulations! You dispelled the barrier and killed all your necromancers in the process. By the way, did you kill those assassins I told you about earlier?
Arantir: Uh, I’m working on it. Asha uses all.
Assassins: Wahh! Don’t kill us please. We can help you take care of some unfinished business and then leave this land forever.
Arantir: It’s a deal. Asha uses all.
Assassins: Die, succubi!
Arantir: And that’s the end of that. Asha uses all.
Lord Fulbert: You dick! Why didn’t you kill the assassins like I asked? Now I’ll wander these lands, forever restless and damned.
Arantir: At last, Flammschrein. Orlando has no way out, except through the boneyard. Yuk yuk. I’m so witty. Asha uses all.
Orlando: I was a demon all along!
Arantir: Asha uses all. Die!
Orlando: Noooo! My quadruple-firing ballista was destroyed on the first turn by your liches.
Arantir: And now, to explode the entire city! But first, let me walk into this mysterious, unnamed building. Asha uses all.
Arch Devils: Rawr! We’re here to make the ending cinematic feel longer without adding real substance!
Arantir: Boom! Boom! Whoops, I shattered a strange crystal.
Isabel’s Spirit: What’s going on? Why am I here? They stole my baby! They put him in a really buggy FPS!
Arantir: What the f*ck are you doing here? I thought you were with Raelag on a secret honeymoon.
Isabel’s Spirit: No, I’ve been in this crystal the whole time. My body managed to reanimate on its own and take on my exact personality for the duration of the previous expansion.
Arantir: Whatever. I release you. Asha uses all.
Isabel’s Spirit: What luck! My empty shell of a body is out on the field commanding a bunch of troops.
Real Isabel: Oh no. My soul just entered into my body. I am now complete… or something like that.
Fake Isabel: Too many Isabels! It’s time for Plan B.
Biara: Presto! One less Isabel!
Alaric: WHOA! WHAT THE F*CK! I TOTALLY HAD NO IDEA!
Demons: Kill! Kill!
Arantir: Asha. I have set everything into motion, just as you asked. Now, I will wander off. Be sure to play Dark Messiah to find out what happens to me. Asha uses all.